English translation of Urdu poetry--contd.

Discussion:

(too old to reply)

Vijay

2011-01-26 23:19:20 UTC

I had promised to post Khushwant Singh's rendition of Iqbal's Shikva,
and here are a few segments that in my view capture quite well the
original; not only in its meaning but also the rhythm and flow.

1.
kyuN ziiaaNkaar banuuN suud-fraamosh rahuuN?
fikr-e-farda na karuuN mehv-e-gham-e-dosh rahuuN
naale bulbul ke sunuuN aur hamaatan gosh rahuuN
ham nava maiN bhii koii gul huuN ki Khamosh rahuuN?
jur'at aamoz mirii taab-e-suKhan hai mujh ko
shikva allaah se, Khaakan-badhan hai mujh ko

Why must I forever lose, forever forgo profit that is my due
Sunk in the gloom of evening past, no plans for morrow pursue.
Why must I all attentive be to the nightingale's lament
Friend, am I as dumb as a flower? Must I remain silent?
My theme makes me bold, makes my tongue more eloquent
Dust be in my mouth, against Allah I make complaint.

2.
hai bajaa sheva-e-tasliim meN mash'huur haiN ham
qissa-e-dard sunaate haiN ki majbuur haiN ham
saaz-e-Khamosh haiN, faryaad se ma'amuur haiN ham
naala aata hai agr lab pe to mazuur haiN ham
ai Khuda! shikva-e-arbaab-e-wafa bhii sun le
Khuugar-e-ham'd se thoRa sa gilaa bhii sun le

We won renown for submitting to Your will- and it is so;
We speak out now, we are compelled to repeat our tale of woe.
We are like the silent lute whose chords are full of voice;
When grief wells up to our lips, we speak, we have no choice,
Lord God, We are Your faithful servants, for a while with us bear,
It is in our nature to always praise You, a small plaint also hear.

3.
ham se pehle thaa ajab tere jahaaN kaa maNzar
kahiiN masjuud the patthar, kahiiN maabuud shajar
Khuugar-e-paikar-e-mehsuus thii insaaN kii naz'r
maanta phir koii andekhe Khudaa ko kyuNkar
tujh ko ma'aluum hai, leta thaa koii naam tiraa?
quwat-e-baazu-e-muslim ne kiia kaam tiraa

Before our time, a strange sight was the world You had made
Some worshiped stone idols, others bowed to trees and prayed
Accustomed to believing what they saw, the people's vision wasn't
free,
How then could anyone believe in a God he couldn't see?
Do you know of anyone, Lord, who then took Your name? I ask
It was the muscle in the Muslim's arms that did your task.

4.
the hamiiN aik tire ma'arika-aaraaoN meN
KhushkiioN meN kabhi laRte, kabhii daryaaoN meN
diN azaaneN kabhii eurup ke kaliimaaoN meN
kabhi afriiqa ke tapte huue sehraaoN meN
shaan aaNkhoN meN na jaNchtii thii jahaaN daaroN kii
kalma paRhte the hamiiN chhaoN meN talwaaroN kii

Of all the brave warriors, there were none but only we
Who fought Your battles on land and often on the sea
Our calls to prayer rang out from the churches of European lands
And floated across Africa's scorching desert sands.
We ruled the world, but regal glories our eyes disdained
Under the shades of glittering sabres Your creed was proclaimed.

This will do for the time being. I think Khushwant Singh has made an
admirable effort. If there is interest, I will post some from jawab-e-
shikwa.

Regards,

Vijay

Naseer

2011-01-28 21:08:48 UTC

Permalink

Post by Vijay
I had promised to post Khushwant Singh's rendition of Iqbal's Shikva,
and here are a few segments that in my view capture quite well the
original; not only in its meaning but also the rhythm and flow.
1.
kyuN ziiaaNkaar banuuN suud-fraamosh rahuuN?
fikr-e-farda na karuuN mehv-e-gham-e-dosh rahuuN
naale bulbul ke sunuuN aur hamaatan gosh rahuuN
ham nava maiN bhii koii gul huuN ki Khamosh rahuuN?
jur'at aamoz mirii taab-e-suKhan hai mujh ko
shikva allaah se, Khaakan-badhan hai mujh ko
Why must I forever lose, forever forgo profit that is my due
Sunk in the gloom of evening past, no plans for morrow pursue.
Why must I all attentive be to the nightingale's lament
Friend, am I as dumb as a flower? Must I remain silent?
My theme makes me bold, makes my tongue more eloquent
Dust be in my mouth, against Allah I make complaint.
2.
hai bajaa sheva-e-tasliim meN mash'huur haiN ham
qissa-e-dard sunaate haiN ki majbuur haiN ham
saaz-e-Khamosh haiN, faryaad se ma'amuur haiN ham
naala aata hai agr lab pe to mazuur haiN ham
ai Khuda! shikva-e-arbaab-e-wafa bhii sun le
Khuugar-e-ham'd se thoRa sa gilaa bhii sun le
We won renown for submitting to Your will- and it is so;
We speak out now, we are compelled to repeat our tale of woe.
We are like the silent lute whose chords are full of voice;
When grief wells up to our lips, we speak, we have no choice,
Lord God, We are Your faithful servants, for a while with us bear,
It is in our nature to always praise You, a small plaint also hear.
3.
ham se pehle thaa ajab tere jahaaN kaa maNzar
kahiiN masjuud the patthar, kahiiN maabuud shajar
Khuugar-e-paikar-e-mehsuus thii insaaN kii naz'r
maanta phir koii andekhe Khudaa ko kyuNkar
tujh ko ma'aluum hai, leta thaa koii naam tiraa?
quwat-e-baazu-e-muslim ne kiia kaam tiraa
Before our time, a strange sight was the world You had made
Some worshiped stone idols, others bowed to trees and prayed
Accustomed to believing what they saw, the people's vision wasn't
free,
How then could anyone believe in a God he couldn't see?
Do you know of anyone, Lord, who then took Your name? I ask
It was the muscle in the Muslim's arms that did your task.
4.
the hamiiN aik tire ma'arika-aaraaoN meN
KhushkiioN meN kabhi laRte, kabhii daryaaoN meN
diN azaaneN kabhii eurup ke kaliimaaoN meN
kabhi afriiqa ke tapte huue sehraaoN meN
shaan aaNkhoN meN na jaNchtii thii jahaaN daaroN kii
kalma paRhte the hamiiN chhaoN meN talwaaroN kii
Of all the brave warriors, there were none but only we
Who fought Your battles on land and often on the sea
Our calls to prayer rang out from the churches of European lands
And floated across Africa's scorching desert sands.
We ruled the world, but regal glories our eyes disdained
Under the shades of glittering sabres Your creed was proclaimed.
This will do for the time being. I think Khushwant Singh has made an
admirable effort. If there is interest, I will post some from jawab-e-
shikwa.
Regards,
Vijay

Vijay Sahib aadaab, and thank you for starting this thread. Yes, I do
think the translation by Khushwant Singh is pretty good and conveys
the rhythm and meaning of the poem accurately. From the stanzas that
you have presented so far, in one place Khushwant has translated a
phrase (Khaak-am ba-dahan) literally which does not go well with the
English idiom. Khushwant's translation appears to give a contradictory
impression when he writes, " Dust be in my mouth, against Allah I make
complaint". What Iqbal means is this. " I don't really wish to
complain to God for I feel ashamed in doing so, but I am compelled to
do so under the circumstances".

A few typos. aap mere vazn kii chaarah-saazii meN lage raheN aur maiN
aap ke alfaaz kii siHat kaa darmaaN kartaa rahuuN gaa!:-)

Khaakam-badahan
tilism
Khaamoshii
ma'zuur
ma'buud
kaliisaa'oN
kalimah
...............................................................................................................

Naseer

Vijay

2011-01-30 16:52:34 UTC

Permalink

Post by Naseer

Vijay Sahib aadaab, and thank you for starting this thread. Yes, I do
think the translation by Khushwant Singh is pretty good and conveys
the rhythm and meaning of the poem accurately. From the stanzas that
you have presented so far, in one place Khushwant has translated a
phrase (Khaak-am ba-dahan) literally which does not go well with the
English idiom. Khushwant's translation appears to give a contradictory
impression when he writes, " Dust be in my mouth, against Allah I make
complaint". What Iqbal means is this. " I don't really wish to
complain to God for I feel ashamed in doing so, but I am compelled to
do so under the circumstances".
A few typos. aap mere vazn kii chaarah-saazii meN lage raheN aur maiN
aap ke alfaaz kii siHat kaa darmaaN kartaa rahuuN gaa!:-)
Khaakam-badahan
tilism
Khaamoshii
ma'zuur
ma'buud
kaliisaa'oN
kalimah
........................................................................... ....................................
Naseer

Thanks Naseer sahib taking the time and posting the corrections. I
can't believe I wrote kaliimaaoN instead of kaliiisaaoN!

In the 'dust be in my mouth' line, Khushwant Singh may have taken some
artistic liberties and gone with the (more poetic) interpretation
rather than literal translation.

Best,

Vijay

Naseer

2011-01-30 19:13:23 UTC

Permalink

Post by Vijay

Post by Naseer

Vijay Sahib aadaab, and thank you for starting this thread. Yes, I do
think the translation by Khushwant Singh is pretty good and conveys
the rhythm and meaning of the poem accurately. From the stanzas that
you have presented so far, in one place Khushwant has translated a
phrase (Khaak-am ba-dahan) literally which does not go well with the
English idiom. Khushwant's translation appears to give a contradictory
impression when he writes, " Dust be in my mouth, against Allah I make
complaint". What Iqbal means is this. " I don't really wish to
complain to God for I feel ashamed in doing so, but I am compelled to
do so under the circumstances".
A few typos. aap mere vazn kii chaarah-saazii meN lage raheN aur maiN
aap ke alfaaz kii siHat kaa darmaaN kartaa rahuuN gaa!:-)
Khaakam-badahan
tilism
Khaamoshii
ma'zuur
ma'buud
kaliisaa'oN
kalimah
........................................................................... ....................................
Naseer

Thanks Naseer sahib taking the time and posting the corrections. I
can't believe I wrote kaliimaaoN instead of kaliiisaaoN!
In the 'dust be in my mouth' line, Khushwant Singh may have taken some
artistic liberties and gone with the (more poetic) interpretation
rather than literal translation.
Best,
Vijay

No Vijay Sahib, he has not gone with the poetic interpretation! He has
given literal translation of "Khaakam badahan" as "dust in my mouth"
rather than providing an idiomatically suitable English equivalent.

Naseer

Vijay

2011-01-30 22:53:50 UTC

Vijay Sahib aadaab, and thank you for starting this thread. Yes, I do
think the translation by Khushwant Singh is pretty good and conveys
the rhythm and meaning of the poem accurately. From the stanzas that
you have presented so far, in one place Khushwant has translated a
phrase (Khaak-am ba-dahan) literally which does not go well with the
English idiom. Khushwant's translation appears to give a contradictory
impression when he writes, " Dust be in my mouth, against Allah I make
complaint". What Iqbal means is this. " I don't really wish to
complain to God for I feel ashamed in doing so, but I am compelled to
do so under the circumstances".
A few typos. aap mere vazn kii chaarah-saazii meN lage raheN aur maiN
aap ke alfaaz kii siHat kaa darmaaN kartaa rahuuN gaa!:-)
Khaakam-badahan
tilism
Khaamoshii
ma'zuur
ma'buud
kaliisaa'oN
kalimah
........................................................................... ....................................
Naseer

Thanks Naseer sahib taking the time and posting the corrections. I
can't believe I wrote kaliimaaoN instead of kaliiisaaoN!
In the 'dust be in my mouth' line, Khushwant Singh may have taken some
artistic liberties and gone with the (more poetic) interpretation
rather than literal translation.
Best,
Vijay

Ah! I see. Naseer sahib, I had thought that 'dust be in my mouth' was
quite a poetic turn of phrase, obviously in Urdu, but also in English.
To me it meant exactly what it implies and what you have stated in
your explanation! So I hadn't seen any contradiction unless you wrote;
when I wrongly surmised that perhaps Khushwant Singh has mis-
understood the phrase.

I think the translation works well, both literal and poetic! Perhaps
we can agree to disagree.

Best regards,

Vijay