Discussion:
Ghazal: “ufuq kii kokh se…”
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Zoya
2022-01-05 22:32:55 UTC
Permalink
aadaab, dosto!
aadaab, Irfan sahib,

It is wonderful to read your new ghazal in the new year. Your poetry usually makes me pause and think. I am going to write down the thoughts that spontaneously flow through my mind while reading your asha'ar. ummiid hai aap meri baatoN ko daad samajh kar qubuul kareNge. :)
aap sab ko nayaa saal bahut bahut mubaarak ho!
Khuda kare k yeh saal sab ke liye mubaarak saabit ho. I am glad 2021 is behind us.
is saal kii shuruu’aat par Ameer Qazalbash kii zameen meN ek taazah Ghazal pesh-e-Khidmat hai. mulaahizah farmaaiye aur apnii raae se navaaziye.
Ghazal
ufuq kii kokh se suuraj kaa nuur niklegaa
ki shab ke baad saveraa zaruur niklegaa
Amen.
yih chaahtaa huuN, bhiRaa duuN diye ko tuufaaN se
mire damaaGh kaa kaise futuur niklegaa
Go for it! And Now I am thinking of that old old song, you can guess which one. "yeh kahaani hai diye ki aur tuufaan ki....." :-)

Q: I always thought it was 'fituur'. Can it go either way?
jahaaN pe aah bharii hai avaam-e-be.kas ne
vahiiN pe shaah ke sar kaa Ghuruur niklegaa
Hope so.
usii ke haath lagegaa suraaGh hastii kaa
jo apnii zaat ke zindaaN se duur niklegaa
Irfan sahib, I really like this she'r and the thought behind it. "zaat ke zindaaN se duur", profound.
na karte jurm kaa iqbaal ham to kyaa karte
“hameN yaqiiN thaa, hamaaraa qusuur niklegaa”
Yup. "usii ka shahr, vahii muddaii, vahii munsif........".
aap ne bahut Khuub girah lagaai hai.
Khudaa ne aql bhii baKhshii hai rokne ke liye
use Khabar thii ki dil naa.sabuur niklegaa
True. "achchaa hai dil ke paas rahe paasbaan-e-aql, lekin........" :-))
It is good to have a 'thinking heart', but if there is a tussle, I usually go with the heart!
yih jaante to milaate na aaNkh ham us se
ki ik nigaah meN itnaa suruur niklegaa!
Nice. Happens. "dil se tirii nigaah jigar tak utar gayii.....".
mirii nazar ko vuh jalvah dikhaayegaa kis din?
mire naseeb meN kab koh-e-tuur niklegaa?
koh-e-tuur??? You will have to wait, maybe forever.
tirii hii zaat se nisbat hai zindagii ko mirii
so dam bhii aa ke tire hii huzuur niklegaa
So poetic! " aakhiri hichkii tire zaanuN pe aaye......" :)
sivaaye zehr ke maaNgegaa aur kyaa aaKhir
saraab-e-zeest se thak kar jo chuur niklegaa
"bane ye zehr hii vajh-e-shifaa jo tuu chaahe........"
jo mudda’aa hai vuh bain-as-sutuur niklegaa!
Irfan sahib, I had to really think about 'bain-as-sutuur'. The individual words 'bain' and 'satr (pl sutuur)' are familiar to me, but I don't know this kind of compounding. Wil you please explain 'as' to me, and how it is generally used? Arabic? Lesson please. Thanks for adding to my vocabulary. I now have to reread all the lines in this ghazal to find the real 'purpose' behind the words. :-)
niyaazmand,
Oh, and based on the matlaa, this was supposed to be a 'positive' ghazal, springing hope for the coming year, right?? :)

Thanks, for everything,

_________Zoya
Dinesh Shenoy
2022-01-06 01:25:57 UTC
Permalink
aadaab, dosto!
aap sab ko nayaa saal bahut bahut mubaarak ho!
is saal kii shuruu’aat par Ameer Qazalbash kii zameen meN ek taazah Ghazal pesh-e-Khidmat hai. mulaahizah farmaaiye aur apnii raae se navaaziye.
Irfan sahib,

Like I have repeatedly mentioned before, I read ALUP messages religiously but, some posts compel me to respond here.

I have always LOVED your GHazals. You (mostly) use simple words to convey profound thoughts, which I resonate to.

While I liked most of the ashaar in the attempt, these below were particularly touching/inspirational.

jahaaN pe aah bharii hai avaam-e-be.kas ne
vahiiN pe shaah ke sar kaa Ghuruur niklegaa
[There was an NPR article today talking about power Vs corruption]

usii ke haath lagegaa suraaGh hastii kaa
jo apnii zaat ke zindaaN se duur niklegaa
I am a lifelong RSS swayamsevak, and this above is something I strive towards.

mile na gar mire alfaaz meN to phir :Abid:
jo mudda’aa hai vuh bain-as-sutuur niklegaa!
Loved the maqta!

Dinesh

P.S : Zoya sahiba ... I too was thinking of most of the ones that you mentioned as "this reminds me of" ... ashaar :)
Irfan Abid
2022-01-08 00:55:24 UTC
Permalink
Post by Zoya
aadaab, dosto!
aap sab ko nayaa saal bahut bahut mubaarak ho!
is saal kii shuruu’aat par Ameer Qazalbash kii zameen meN ek taazah Ghazal pesh-e-Khidmat hai. mulaahizah farmaaiye aur apnii raae se navaaziye.
Irfan sahib,
Like I have repeatedly mentioned before, I read ALUP messages religiously but, some posts compel me to respond here.
I have always LOVED your GHazals. You (mostly) use simple words to convey profound thoughts, which I resonate to.
While I liked most of the ashaar in the attempt, these below were particularly touching/inspirational.
jahaaN pe aah bharii hai avaam-e-be.kas ne
vahiiN pe shaah ke sar kaa Ghuruur niklegaa
[There was an NPR article today talking about power Vs corruption]
usii ke haath lagegaa suraaGh hastii kaa
jo apnii zaat ke zindaaN se duur niklegaa
I am a lifelong RSS swayamsevak, and this above is something I strive towards.
jo mudda’aa hai vuh bain-as-sutuur niklegaa!
Loved the maqta!
Dinesh
P.S : Zoya sahiba ... I too was thinking of most of the ones that you mentioned as "this reminds me of" ... ashaar :)
Dinesh sb, aadaab!

Thanks for the attention and appreciation!

Sincerely,
Irfan :Abid:
Zoya
2022-01-08 16:28:08 UTC
Permalink
Post by Dinesh Shenoy
P.S : Zoya sahiba ... I too was thinking of most of the ones that you mentioned as "this reminds me of" ... ashaar :)
What can I say Dinesh sahib, except "great minds.........." :)

You should join us in she'r-o-naghma thread sometime. "This reminds me of........" does not apply just to Irfan sahib's poetry, you should see what his singing inspires! :-)
Naseer
2022-01-08 18:22:58 UTC
Permalink
Post by Dinesh Shenoy
Like I have repeatedly mentioned before, I read ALUP messages religiously but, some posts compel me to respond here.
I have always LOVED your GHazals. You (mostly) use simple words to convey profound thoughts, which I resonate to.
Dinesh SaaHib, it's nice to see you and Mohit SaaHib after a (long?) while. Number of people visiting this group appeared to be diminishing by the day!
Post by Dinesh Shenoy
usii ke haath lagegaa suraaGh hastii kaa
jo apnii zaat ke zindaaN se duur niklegaa
I am a lifelong RSS swayamsevak, and this above is something I strive towards.
Thank you for letting us know a little more about yourself.

Regards,

Naseer
Irfan Abid
2022-01-08 00:53:44 UTC
Permalink
Post by Zoya
aadaab, dosto!
aadaab, Irfan sahib,
It is wonderful to read your new ghazal in the new year. Your poetry usually makes me pause and think. I am going to write down the thoughts that spontaneously flow through my mind while reading your asha'ar. ummiid hai aap meri baatoN ko daad samajh kar qubuul kareNge. :)
Zoya sahiba, aadaab!

Your attention and comments are truly appreciated. Thanks a bunch!
Post by Zoya
aap sab ko nayaa saal bahut bahut mubaarak ho!
Khuda kare k yeh saal sab ke liye mubaarak saabit ho. I am glad 2021 is behind us.
is saal kii shuruu’aat par Ameer Qazalbash kii zameen meN ek taazah Ghazal pesh-e-Khidmat hai. mulaahizah farmaaiye aur apnii raae se navaaziye.
Ghazal
ufuq kii kokh se suuraj kaa nuur niklegaa
ki shab ke baad saveraa zaruur niklegaa
Amen.
yih chaahtaa huuN, bhiRaa duuN diye ko tuufaaN se
mire damaaGh kaa kaise futuur niklegaa
Go for it! And Now I am thinking of that old old song, you can guess which one. "yeh kahaani hai diye ki aur tuufaan ki....." :-)
Q: I always thought it was 'fituur'. Can it go either way?
jahaaN pe aah bharii hai avaam-e-be.kas ne
vahiiN pe shaah ke sar kaa Ghuruur niklegaa
Hope so.
usii ke haath lagegaa suraaGh hastii kaa
jo apnii zaat ke zindaaN se duur niklegaa
Irfan sahib, I really like this she'r and the thought behind it. "zaat ke zindaaN se duur", profound.
na karte jurm kaa iqbaal ham to kyaa karte
“hameN yaqiiN thaa, hamaaraa qusuur niklegaa”
Yup. "usii ka shahr, vahii muddaii, vahii munsif........".
aap ne bahut Khuub girah lagaai hai.
Khudaa ne aql bhii baKhshii hai rokne ke liye
use Khabar thii ki dil naa.sabuur niklegaa
True. "achchaa hai dil ke paas rahe paasbaan-e-aql, lekin........" :-))
It is good to have a 'thinking heart', but if there is a tussle, I usually go with the heart!
yih jaante to milaate na aaNkh ham us se
ki ik nigaah meN itnaa suruur niklegaa!
Nice. Happens. "dil se tirii nigaah jigar tak utar gayii.....".
mirii nazar ko vuh jalvah dikhaayegaa kis din?
mire naseeb meN kab koh-e-tuur niklegaa?
koh-e-tuur??? You will have to wait, maybe forever.
tirii hii zaat se nisbat hai zindagii ko mirii
so dam bhii aa ke tire hii huzuur niklegaa
So poetic! " aakhiri hichkii tire zaanuN pe aaye......" :)
sivaaye zehr ke maaNgegaa aur kyaa aaKhir
saraab-e-zeest se thak kar jo chuur niklegaa
"bane ye zehr hii vajh-e-shifaa jo tuu chaahe........"
jo mudda’aa hai vuh bain-as-sutuur niklegaa!
Irfan sahib, I had to really think about 'bain-as-sutuur'. The individual words 'bain' and 'satr (pl sutuur)' are familiar to me, but I don't know this kind of compounding. Wil you please explain 'as' to me, and how it is generally used? Arabic? Lesson please. Thanks for adding to my vocabulary. I now have to reread all the lines in this ghazal to find the real 'purpose' behind the words. :-)
The Arabic 'al' is equivalent to the English 'the' and is added in the front of words just like 'the.' When the letter 'siin' comes right after 'al,' letter 'laam' can be dropped in talaffuz and instead 'siin' can be treated as mushaddad (one with a tashdiid) i.e. pronounced twice. You may have heard the word 'as-salaam.' It's actually 'al-salaam.'
Post by Zoya
niyaazmand,
Oh, and based on the matlaa, this was supposed to be a 'positive' ghazal, springing hope for the coming year, right?? :)
I sprinkled as much positivity as I could! :)
Post by Zoya
Thanks, for everything,
_________Zoya
Thanks, once again!

Sincerely,
Irfan :Abid:
Irfan Abid
2022-01-08 04:17:51 UTC
Permalink
Post by Irfan Abid
Post by Zoya
aadaab, dosto!
aadaab, Irfan sahib,
It is wonderful to read your new ghazal in the new year. Your poetry usually makes me pause and think. I am going to write down the thoughts that spontaneously flow through my mind while reading your asha'ar. ummiid hai aap meri baatoN ko daad samajh kar qubuul kareNge. :)
Zoya sahiba, aadaab!
Your attention and comments are truly appreciated. Thanks a bunch!
Post by Zoya
aap sab ko nayaa saal bahut bahut mubaarak ho!
Khuda kare k yeh saal sab ke liye mubaarak saabit ho. I am glad 2021 is behind us.
is saal kii shuruu’aat par Ameer Qazalbash kii zameen meN ek taazah Ghazal pesh-e-Khidmat hai. mulaahizah farmaaiye aur apnii raae se navaaziye.
Ghazal
ufuq kii kokh se suuraj kaa nuur niklegaa
ki shab ke baad saveraa zaruur niklegaa
Amen.
yih chaahtaa huuN, bhiRaa duuN diye ko tuufaaN se
mire damaaGh kaa kaise futuur niklegaa
Go for it! And Now I am thinking of that old old song, you can guess which one. "yeh kahaani hai diye ki aur tuufaan ki....." :-)
Q: I always thought it was 'fituur'. Can it go either way?
jahaaN pe aah bharii hai avaam-e-be.kas ne
vahiiN pe shaah ke sar kaa Ghuruur niklegaa
Hope so.
usii ke haath lagegaa suraaGh hastii kaa
jo apnii zaat ke zindaaN se duur niklegaa
Irfan sahib, I really like this she'r and the thought behind it. "zaat ke zindaaN se duur", profound.
na karte jurm kaa iqbaal ham to kyaa karte
“hameN yaqiiN thaa, hamaaraa qusuur niklegaa”
Yup. "usii ka shahr, vahii muddaii, vahii munsif........".
aap ne bahut Khuub girah lagaai hai.
Khudaa ne aql bhii baKhshii hai rokne ke liye
use Khabar thii ki dil naa.sabuur niklegaa
True. "achchaa hai dil ke paas rahe paasbaan-e-aql, lekin........" :-))
It is good to have a 'thinking heart', but if there is a tussle, I usually go with the heart!
yih jaante to milaate na aaNkh ham us se
ki ik nigaah meN itnaa suruur niklegaa!
Nice. Happens. "dil se tirii nigaah jigar tak utar gayii.....".
mirii nazar ko vuh jalvah dikhaayegaa kis din?
mire naseeb meN kab koh-e-tuur niklegaa?
koh-e-tuur??? You will have to wait, maybe forever.
tirii hii zaat se nisbat hai zindagii ko mirii
so dam bhii aa ke tire hii huzuur niklegaa
So poetic! " aakhiri hichkii tire zaanuN pe aaye......" :)
sivaaye zehr ke maaNgegaa aur kyaa aaKhir
saraab-e-zeest se thak kar jo chuur niklegaa
"bane ye zehr hii vajh-e-shifaa jo tuu chaahe........"
jo mudda’aa hai vuh bain-as-sutuur niklegaa!
Irfan sahib, I had to really think about 'bain-as-sutuur'. The individual words 'bain' and 'satr (pl sutuur)' are familiar to me, but I don't know this kind of compounding. Wil you please explain 'as' to me, and how it is generally used? Arabic? Lesson please. Thanks for adding to my vocabulary. I now have to reread all the lines in this ghazal to find the real 'purpose' behind the words. :-)
The Arabic 'al' is equivalent to the English 'the' and is added in the front of words just like 'the.' When the letter 'siin' comes right after 'al,' letter 'laam' can be dropped in talaffuz and instead 'siin' can be treated as mushaddad (one with a tashdiid) i.e. pronounced twice. You may have heard the word 'as-salaam.' It's actually 'al-salaam.'
Post by Zoya
niyaazmand,
Oh, and based on the matlaa, this was supposed to be a 'positive' ghazal, springing hope for the coming year, right?? :)
I sprinkled as much positivity as I could! :)
Post by Zoya
Thanks, for everything,
_________Zoya
Thanks, once again!
Sincerely,
Zoya sahiba,

I forgot to answer your question about 'fituur.' The fasiih (and I would venture to say, correct) pronunciation is 'futuur.' All of the reputed dictionaries (e.g. Urdu LuGhat, Platts and Feorz-ul-LuGhaat) confirm this. Rekhta does have 'fituur' in addition to 'futuur' though. It appears they recognize the fact that some people say this word as 'fituur.'

Irfan :Abid:
Zoya
2022-01-09 22:59:53 UTC
Permalink
Post by Irfan Abid
The Arabic 'al' is equivalent to the English 'the' and is added in the front of words just like 'the.' When the letter 'siin' comes right after 'al,' letter 'laam' can be dropped in talaffuz and instead 'siin' can be treated as mushaddad (one with a tashdiid) i.e. pronounced twice. You may have heard the word 'as-salaam.' It's actually 'al-salaam.'
Irfan sahib, thank you so much for this short but very meaningful lesson. I have often wondered why some of my friends say "as-salaam" instead of simple "salaam" when greeting, but never asked anyone about it. I just assumed it was a variation in the pronunciation depending on the native land of these people. Now I know! :)

________Zoya
Naseer
2022-01-08 19:34:51 UTC
Permalink
aadaab, dosto!
aap sab ko nayaa saal bahut bahut mubaarak ho!
is saal kii shuruu’aat par Ameer Qazalbash kii zameen meN ek taazah Ghazal pesh-e-Khidmat hai. mulaahizah farmaaiye aur apnii raae se navaaziye.
Ghazal
ufuq kii kokh se suuraj kaa nuur niklegaa
ki shab ke baad saveraa zaruur niklegaa
yih chaahtaa huuN, bhiRaa duuN diye ko tuufaaN se
mire damaaGh kaa kaise futuur niklegaa
jahaaN pe aah bharii hai avaam-e-be.kas ne
vahiiN pe shaah ke sar kaa Ghuruur niklegaa
usii ke haath lagegaa suraaGh hastii kaa
jo apnii zaat ke zindaaN se duur niklegaa
na karte jurm kaa iqbaal ham to kyaa karte
“hameN yaqiiN thaa, hamaaraa qusuur niklegaa”
Khudaa ne aql bhii baKhshii hai rokne ke liye
use Khabar thii ki dil naa.sabuur niklegaa
yih jaante to milaate na aaNkh ham us se
ki ik nigaah meN itnaa suruur niklegaa!
mirii nazar ko vuh jalvah dikhaayegaa kis din?
mire naseeb meN kab koh-e-tuur niklegaa?
tirii hii zaat se nisbat hai zindagii ko mirii
so dam bhii aa ke tire hii huzuur niklegaa
sivaaye zehr ke maaNgegaa aur kyaa aaKhir
saraab-e-zeest se thak kar jo chuur niklegaa
jo mudda’aa hai vuh bain-as-sutuur niklegaa!
niyaazmand,
muHtaram Irfan SaaHib, tasliimaat.

aap ko bhii xushiyoN se bhar-puur nayaa saal mubaarak ho.

ek pur-ummid Ghazal pesh karne ke liye ham sab aap ke shukr-guzaar haiN. pahle to xvud Haalaat hii itne xauf-naak the aur is par sitam yih kih aap "maayuus-kun" GhazaleN pesh kar rahe the!:-) ab Haalaat pahle se bhii ziyaadah pareshaan-kun haiN lekin kam az kam aap kii taraf se ummiid kii chiNgaarii to dikhaa'ii dii hai. ek bahut a3laa Ghazal aap ne hameN navaazii. bahut bahut shukriyah.

rahii baat "futuur/fatuur" aur "qizil-baash/qazal-baash" vaGhairah kii, aap Urdu-goyaan jaise chaaheN boleN/likheN, sab ravaa hai!:-)

fi3l bhiRnaa/bhiRaanaa kam hii Urdu shaa3irii meN isti3maal hotaa hai. .. ek misaal Akbar Ilahabadi kii shaa3irii se..

zabaan-i-Sansikrat us vaqt paNDit jii se kahtii hai
kih achchhaa hai mirii ulfat tumhaare dil meN rahtii hai

maiN Khush huuN gii bilaa-shak tum agar mujh ko jilaa'o ge
magar whiskey pilaa'o ge kih GaNgaa-jal pilaa'o ge

jiyuuN gii maiN kih phir tum ko milaa'uuN devtaa'oN se
*bhiRaa'o* ge mujhii ko yaa kih dunyaa kii balaa'oN se

agar shauq-i-'ibaadat hai to maiN maujuud huuN ab bhii
agar dunyaa kaa saudaa hai to kab maiN is se raazii thii

kyaa aap kabhii fi3l "bhiRnaa" se ism "bheR" bhii isti3maal meN laate haiN, jaise "likhnaa" se "lekh"? ham Punjabi "bheR" ko laRaa'ii ke ma3noN meN lete haiN.

Naseer
Raj Kumar
2022-01-09 00:40:01 UTC
Permalink
Post by Naseer
muHtaram Irfan SaaHib, tasliimaat.
aap ko bhii xushiyoN se bhar-puur nayaa saal mubaarak ho.
ek pur-ummid Ghazal pesh karne ke liye ham sab aap ke shukr-guzaar haiN. pahle to xvud Haalaat hii itne xauf-naak the aur is par sitam yih kih aap "maayuus-kun" GhazaleN pesh kar rahe the!:-) ab Haalaat pahle se bhii ziyaadah pareshaan-kun haiN lekin kam az kam aap kii taraf se ummiid kii chiNgaarii to dikhaa'ii dii hai. ek bahut a3laa Ghazal aap ne hameN navaazii. bahut bahut shukriyah.
***janaab Naseer sahib:

ham "ummiid ki kiran" to sunte aaye haiN, "ummiid ki chiNgaarii" aaj pahli baar suni hai. yeh to vuhi baat hu'ii -----
"ai Khudaa, mujh par rahmat ki aag barsaa"!*** :-)
Post by Naseer
kyaa aap kabhii fi3l "bhiRnaa" se ism "bheR" bhii isti3maal meN laate haiN, jaise "likhnaa" se "lekh"? ham Punjabi "bheR" ko laRaa'ii ke ma3noN meN lete haiN.
jahaaN tak mujhe ilm hai, lafz-e-"bheR" ko Urdu/Hindi meN jaanvar "bheR" ke liye to iste'maal karte haiN, lekin "laRne" ke liye nahiiN. haaN, murakkab "muTh-bheR/muD-bheR" zaruur "laRne" ke maa'nii meN iste'maal hotaa hai.
***janaab Irfan sahib:

is zimn meN, Maulaana Haali ka yeh she'r dekhiye:

raat zaahid se ne "muTh-bheR" hu'ii, Khuub hu'aa
nashsha zoroN pe tha, shaayad na chhupaayaa jaataa

aap ki Ghazal par bahut kuchh kahne ko jii chaahataa hai magar fil-Haal himmat nahiiN ho rahii. May be, some time later!

R.K.***
Naseer
2022-01-09 00:54:00 UTC
Permalink
Post by Raj Kumar
ham "ummiid ki kiran" to sunte aaye haiN, "ummiid ki chiNgaarii" aaj pahli baar suni hai. yeh to vuhi baat hu'ii -----
"ai Khudaa, mujh par rahmat ki aag barsaa"!*** :-)
R.K.***
Raj Kumar SaaHib, aadaab

dil hai pahluu meN kih umiid kii chiNgaarii hai
ab tak itnii hai Haraarat kih jiye jaate haiN

Mirza Yaas Yagaanah/Yagaanah Changezi

Naseer
Raj Kumar
2022-01-11 01:09:09 UTC
Permalink
is saal kii shuruu’aat par Ameer Qazalbash kii zameen meN ek taazah Ghazal pesh-e-Khidmat hai. mulaahizah farmaaiye aur apnii raae
se navaaziye.
***janaab Irfan sahib, aap ki Ghazal nazar-navaaz hu'ii aur hamesha ki taraH dil meN utar ga'ii. aap meri jaanib se is dilkash Ghazal par Dher saari mubaarak qubuul farmaa'eN!

in dinoN yaar-dostoN ki dilchaspi is baat meN hai k aap ke ash'aar par kaheeN kaheeN "this reminds me of " kahaa jaaye. maiN aaj un dostoN ki is dilchaspi ko mazeed jilaa dene ki koshish karuuN ga; ummiid hai k aap bhi meri is koshish se maHzuuz hoN ge.
Are you ready, ZS and DS?*** :-)
ufuq kii kokh se suuraj kaa nuur niklegaa
ki shab ke baad saveraa zaruur niklegaa
***This reminds me of an 'antonym':
KhizaaN ke ba'ad bahaar aaye gii zaruur, magar
ujaR ke bas na sakeN ge diloN ke kaashaane***
yih chaahtaa huuN, bhiRaa duuN diye ko tuufaaN se
mire damaaGh kaa kaise futuur niklegaa
***This reminds me of
aaKhir ham is kashtii ko Khud hii paar lagaa'eN ge
tuufaaN se gar bach niklii, saaHil se Takraa'eN ge***
jahaaN pe aah bharii hai avaam-e-be.kas ne
vahiiN pe shaah ke sar kaa Ghuruur niklegaa
***This reminds me of
zaalimo, Khauf karo, aah ko samjho na Haqeer
lafz Allaah meN hai is ka asar do-baTa-teen***
usii ke haath lagegaa suraaGh hastii kaa
jo apnii zaat ke zindaaN se duur niklegaa
***This reminds me of
Hisaar-e-zaat se nikluuN to tujh se baat karuuN
tirii sifaat ko samjhuuN to tujh se baat karuuN***
na karte jurm kaa iqbaal ham to kyaa karte
“hameN yaqiiN thaa, hamaaraa qusuur niklegaa”
***This reminds me of
mujhii par aaye gaa ilzaam merii paa'imaalii kaa
tirii raftaar ko, ai fitna-saamaaN, kaun dekhe ga? [DS, pl. note that "mujhii" itself means "mujh hii"]***
Khudaa ne aql bhii baKhshii hai rokne ke liye
use Khabar thii ki dil naa.sabuur niklegaa
***This reminds me (and everyone else) of
achchhaa hai dil ka paas rahe paasbaan-e-aql
lekin kabhii kabhii ise tanhaa bhi chhoR de***
yih jaante to milaate na aaNkh ham us se
ki ik nigaah meN itnaa suruur niklegaa!
***This reminds me of
qissa-e-tuur-o-kaleem aata hai jab yaad mujhe
aap se aaNkh milaate huye Dar lagtaa hai***
mirii nazar ko vuh jalvah dikhaayegaa kis din?
mire naseeb meN kab koh-e-tuur niklegaa?
***This reminds me of
Khush huuN maiN jab se sunaa hai "voh huye harjaa'ii"
mere ghar, dekhiye, kis roz karam hotaa hai***
tirii hii zaat se nisbat hai zindagii ko mirii
so dam bhii aa ke tire hii huzuur niklegaa
***This reminds me of
laash hii jaaye gi ab apnii yahaaN se, saaqii
ham to kyaa jaa'eN ge uTh kar tire mai-Khaane se?***
sivaaye zehr ke maaNgegaa aur kyaa aaKhir
saraab-e-zeest se thak kar jo chuur niklegaa
***This reminds me of
ab aur mai-gasaari ki himmat nahiiN rahii
"ab zahr hii pilaa k tabii'at udaas hai"***
jo mudda’aa hai vuh bain-as-sutuur niklegaa!
***This again reminds me of an 'antonym'
Qais shaa'ir hai, ko'ii shaiKh-o-baraahman to nahiiN
is ke ash'aar meN 'voh' baat na DhuuNDe ko'ii

niyaaz-maNd, Raj Kumar***
Zoya
2022-01-11 16:29:29 UTC
Permalink
Post by Raj Kumar
in dinoN yaar-dostoN ki dilchaspi is baat meN hai k aap ke ash'aar par kaheeN kaheeN "this reminds me of " kahaa jaaye. maiN aaj un dostoN ki is dilchaspi ko mazeed jilaa dene ki koshish karuuN ga; ummiid hai k aap bhi meri is koshish se maHzuuz hoN ge.
Are you ready, ZS and DS?*** :-)
What a treat RK sahib! Only you could have done this. Priceless. :-)

Some of the asha'ar you quoted are familiar, some are new for me. Either way, they packed a perfect punch.

I have always loved and often used "This reminds me of......" style when posting asha'ar, but coming from you it is a whole different level. We are so lucky to have you and Irfan sahib still active in the forum. What would I do without you two? :-))

__________Zoya
Dinesh Shenoy
2022-01-12 00:25:00 UTC
Permalink
On Monday, January 10, 2022 at 6:09:10 PM UTC-7, Raj Kumar wrote:

<snip>
Post by Raj Kumar
jo mudda’aa hai vuh bain-as-sutuur niklegaa!
***This again reminds me of an 'antonym'
Qais shaa'ir hai, ko'ii shaiKh-o-baraahman to nahiiN
is ke ash'aar meN 'voh' baat na DhuuNDe ko'ii
niyaaz-maNd, Raj Kumar***
Raj Kumar sahib,

Like Zoya sahiba said, needless to say each one of the sher that you picked are wonderful. But, this one was particularly "sharaarati" :)

Hope you don't mind me saying this ... my only (mild) complaint is we are straying away from complimenting/responding to the wonderful GHazal that Irfan sahib has written ... I say that because after reading your carefully crafted responses I always end up saying ... "man, I hadn't thought of that" or ... "wow, that minor change takes it to a different level" ... I distinctly remember when you helped me with my attempts (many many many moons ago).

Dinesh

P.S : Zoya sahiba - I wholeheartedly agree with you ... truly blessed to have RK sahib, Irfan sahib, Afzal sahib here ... I sorely miss Minai sahib, UVR sahib, Sarwar sahib, Rajiv sahib, and many many more. FaceBook Dayin ALUP ko khaagayi :) waise aapke posts to mazedaar haiN hii
Irfan Abid
2022-01-15 20:41:27 UTC
Permalink
Post by Raj Kumar
is saal kii shuruu’aat par Ameer Qazalbash kii zameen meN ek taazah Ghazal pesh-e-Khidmat hai. mulaahizah farmaaiye aur apnii raae
se navaaziye.
***janaab Irfan sahib, aap ki Ghazal nazar-navaaz hu'ii aur hamesha ki taraH dil meN utar ga'ii. aap meri jaanib se is dilkash Ghazal par Dher saari mubaarak qubuul farmaa'eN!
in dinoN yaar-dostoN ki dilchaspi is baat meN hai k aap ke ash'aar par kaheeN kaheeN "this reminds me of " kahaa jaaye. maiN aaj un dostoN ki is dilchaspi ko mazeed jilaa dene ki koshish karuuN ga; ummiid hai k aap bhi meri is koshish se maHzuuz hoN ge.
Are you ready, ZS and DS?*** :-)
ufuq kii kokh se suuraj kaa nuur niklegaa
ki shab ke baad saveraa zaruur niklegaa
KhizaaN ke ba'ad bahaar aaye gii zaruur, magar
ujaR ke bas na sakeN ge diloN ke kaashaane***
yih chaahtaa huuN, bhiRaa duuN diye ko tuufaaN se
mire damaaGh kaa kaise futuur niklegaa
***This reminds me of
aaKhir ham is kashtii ko Khud hii paar lagaa'eN ge
tuufaaN se gar bach niklii, saaHil se Takraa'eN ge***
jahaaN pe aah bharii hai avaam-e-be.kas ne
vahiiN pe shaah ke sar kaa Ghuruur niklegaa
***This reminds me of
zaalimo, Khauf karo, aah ko samjho na Haqeer
lafz Allaah meN hai is ka asar do-baTa-teen***
usii ke haath lagegaa suraaGh hastii kaa
jo apnii zaat ke zindaaN se duur niklegaa
***This reminds me of
Hisaar-e-zaat se nikluuN to tujh se baat karuuN
tirii sifaat ko samjhuuN to tujh se baat karuuN***
na karte jurm kaa iqbaal ham to kyaa karte
“hameN yaqiiN thaa, hamaaraa qusuur niklegaa”
***This reminds me of
mujhii par aaye gaa ilzaam merii paa'imaalii kaa
tirii raftaar ko, ai fitna-saamaaN, kaun dekhe ga? [DS, pl. note that "mujhii" itself means "mujh hii"]***
Khudaa ne aql bhii baKhshii hai rokne ke liye
use Khabar thii ki dil naa.sabuur niklegaa
***This reminds me (and everyone else) of
achchhaa hai dil ka paas rahe paasbaan-e-aql
lekin kabhii kabhii ise tanhaa bhi chhoR de***
yih jaante to milaate na aaNkh ham us se
ki ik nigaah meN itnaa suruur niklegaa!
***This reminds me of
qissa-e-tuur-o-kaleem aata hai jab yaad mujhe
aap se aaNkh milaate huye Dar lagtaa hai***
mirii nazar ko vuh jalvah dikhaayegaa kis din?
mire naseeb meN kab koh-e-tuur niklegaa?
***This reminds me of
Khush huuN maiN jab se sunaa hai "voh huye harjaa'ii"
mere ghar, dekhiye, kis roz karam hotaa hai***
tirii hii zaat se nisbat hai zindagii ko mirii
so dam bhii aa ke tire hii huzuur niklegaa
***This reminds me of
laash hii jaaye gi ab apnii yahaaN se, saaqii
ham to kyaa jaa'eN ge uTh kar tire mai-Khaane se?***
sivaaye zehr ke maaNgegaa aur kyaa aaKhir
saraab-e-zeest se thak kar jo chuur niklegaa
***This reminds me of
ab aur mai-gasaari ki himmat nahiiN rahii
"ab zahr hii pilaa k tabii'at udaas hai"***
jo mudda’aa hai vuh bain-as-sutuur niklegaa!
***This again reminds me of an 'antonym'
Qais shaa'ir hai, ko'ii shaiKh-o-baraahman to nahiiN
is ke ash'aar meN 'voh' baat na DhuuNDe ko'ii
niyaaz-maNd, Raj Kumar***
muhtaram RK sb, aadaab arz hai!

aap kii giraaN.qadr daad ke liye behad ahsaan.mand huuN. aap ne mere adnaa ash'aar ke muqaabil jo nageene 'ataa farmaaye haiN, vuh laajavaab haiN. bahut bahut shukriya!

niyaazmand,
Irfan :Abid:

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